Intimacy, Adoration, and Fondness

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Intimacy, Adoration, and Fondness

“We used to be very close all of the time.” “I’m not sure what happened.” This is something I frequently hear from the couples with whom I work. Their relationship began with such fervour and romance. Years later, they are still missing intimacy and are unsure why.

Intimacy, Adoration, and Fondness is a must in every relationship.

Is Your Honeymoon Coming to an End?

Part of the explanation is that the honeymoon period is over, as most people believe. Of course, there’s a great deal of truth in this. These early days are referred to as “limerence” by Dr. John Gottman. It’s a period when your body produces feel-good hormones that make you feel more connected. This period, as wonderful as it is, cannot last indefinitely. Although love fades over time, it is rarely the single (or even primary) cause for intimacy and romance to diminish.

Dr. Gottman’s research found a direct and very strong link between a couple’s satisfaction with romance, passion, and sex and the amount of fondness and adoration they have in their relationship. Couples who say they feel love, gratitude, and admiration from their partner have more passion and sex in their relationship.

Sex is an extremely exposed act. It’s understandable that most individuals would be apprehensive to interact sexually with someone they didn’t know.

Read Also: 5 Acts to make him want you all the time

The Love Ratio

In my practise, I’ve discovered that while most couples love, respect, and admire one another, in most cases, neither partner feels the same way. This is typically owing to the relationship’s lack of optimism. According to Dr. Gottman’s research on hundreds of couples, for your partner to feel loved, respected, and appreciated, there must be 20 positive interactions for every one negative contact. This means that you must balance every time you damage your partner’s feelings, miss a bid, or have another stressful event in the relationship with 20 nice conversations in order for them to feel loved, respected, and valued.

This amount astounds the majority of my couples. The brain, on the other hand, is wired to recognise and respond to the negative. It’s a must-have for survival. This means that in a relationship, any negative interaction you have with your partner will be remembered. It will take 20 excellent interactions to counteract it. It’s probable that you and your partner aren’t hitting the 1:20 ratio if you’re missing the romance and passion that used to exist in your relationship.

Sharing Fondness and Admiration: Some Suggestions

The good news is that there are a variety of techniques to boost optimism in your relationship so that you both feel valued and intimacy can be rebuilt. Here are some suggestions to get you started:

  • Make a genuine complement to your mate. Expressing your admiration for certain characteristics possessed by your partner is one of the most potent methods to show them you admire them. You may admire someone for being kind, loyal, caring, fun, adventurous, or a terrific father, for example. “My partner already knows I enjoy something about them,” many of the couples I work with believe. While this may be true, speaking your feelings out loud can have a significant positive impact on your relationship. Most of the time, I hear from people who had no idea their partner felt that way. They enjoy receiving compliments.
  • Thank your partner if you see them doing anything “right”. Most couples eventually arrive at a point where they each have their own set of obligations. They frequently lose sight of all the ways their partner provides over time. Even though it’s “their job,” pay attention to what your partner does and express your gratitude for it. You can thank your partner for doing things like taking out the garbage, cooking supper, doing the dishes, picking up the kids, paying the bills, and so on.
  • Share a funny or memorable memory from your past with your partner. Consider all of your happy and/or romantic occasions together and share one with your lover. You might talk about the first time you met, your wedding day, a romantic evening, or any other memorable event.
  • Tell your lover that you are proud of them or how pleased you are with your relationship Include all you’ve done as a group, as well as the storms you’ve survived together.
  • Tell your partner how much you adore them. Everyday!
  • Make physical contact with your companion. Kiss them, hug them, take their hands in yours, and snuggle up to them.
  • Express gratitude for the ways they helped you, such as by assisting you in realising a dream, hearing to you complain about a terrible day, or being there for you through a difficult time.
  • Surprise them with a gift just because you thought about them.
  • Plan a date, an outing or a family vacation This shows your lover that you care about them and want to spend time with them.
  • Write them a love letter or send them a note to let them know you’re thinking about them.

Final Thought

The possibilities are limitless. Make sure you convey your admiration in a way that outweighs any dislike you may have. When you and your partner feel loved, admired, and valued in your relationship, the romance and passion can flourish.


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