How to Move From Casual to Serious Relationship
There are no rules in the dating game. Rather, there are many *unspoken* regulations but no defined guidelines. It’s a trial-and-error game, and everyone is stumbling around in the dark, trying to find out how to move forward but never knowing which move or which direction would get them there.
It might be perplexing when you begin to sense the need to develop a casual relationship into something more serious.
It’s usual for people to lead with one facet of themselves when dating. This is what I call ‘the hook,’ and it may be anything from charm, good looks, intelligence, money, wealth, prestige, or even being useful to encourage someone to like them.
This is often a trait that has been praised or rewarded since they were children. For example, if you were told as a child that you were attractive, you may utilise your physical appearance as the primary factor in attracting love interest.
Because you place so much value in your appearance, you may devote a lot of time and energy to physical perfection, sometimes holding yourself to unreasonable ideals of beauty.
Perhaps your parents were more concerned with your grades and accomplishments when you were a child. You grow up believing that your worth is determined by your level of success and wealth. You then go all out when you date, paying for everything, lavishly showering the person with presents, and emphasising your accomplishments and success.
And it might work – at luring a date or someone to be interested in you at first.
Because it’s an ego transaction, this can assist open the door to attracting someone, but it won’t help grow the connection into a deeper link.
Ego Transaction vs. Soul Connection
When we date someone solely for their appearance, we are engaging in an ego transaction. It’s also what happens when we lead with our best traits and don’t allow others to see us for who we truly are. Instead, they’re dating one of our reps.
This type of connection is fleeting because it can be lost at any time. Because, let’s face it, there will always be someone hotter, smarter, or wealthier than you.
A soul connection, on the other hand, occurs when both people disclose who they truly are, not simply a perfected version of themselves. They reveal their essence: scars, bruises, and history — the whole of themselves, included.
There is only a chance for a soul connection to be formed when two people show up as their real selves.
People will never be able to out-ego you, but they will never be able to out-soul you.
Of course, I’m not suggesting that you share all of your childhood pain on the first date. I’m also not advocating for the concept of a one-and-only soul mate (hint: it’s a myth). I’m arguing that in order to form a link that extends beyond a surface appeal, more than the one factor that opened the door is required.
Rapport, trust, and bonding are all aspects of a dance that develops over time and experience with someone, and it necessitates gradually letting them see additional aspects of yourself.