How to bond with your child. Your child is on his way. Nothing is more valuable or miraculous than the person you are about to care for and guide through life. You are devoted to your child. You will experience endless delight, personal growth, and fulfilment as you raise this human being.
The “honeymoon” then comes to an end. As an infant, this little kid cries all night, as a toddler, says “no” all the time, ignores you as a youngster, and then rolls their eyes in scorn as a teenager. The enchantment begins to wear off. Many parents become irritated, upset, and even disrespectful as a result of their children’s behaviour. These sentiments are frequently accompanied by a sense of separation.
How to bond with your child.
When parents react to their own thoughts and powerful emotions, disconnection occurs. You may begin to resent your child’s decisions or actions, react by using your power to “teach them a lesson,” or withdraw and isolate yourself from your child (come on, we’ve all felt this way!). These reactions do not aid in the successful management of the behaviour. They don’t model the behaviour you want your children to emulate, and they don’t help you form a relationship with them. In these instances, there is no warm fuzzy feeling or sense of wonder. Children, on the other hand, thrive when they are linked and appreciated. “We have to connect before we correct or redirect,” says Jane Nelsen of Positive Discipline, and “kids do better when they feel better, not worse.”
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Fostering greater liking and admiration in your family is one approach to avoid becoming caught in the reactionary loop. You may preserve and enhance your connection with your child by working consistently and intentionally to cultivate these two attributes. In those tough moments when you’ve reached your limit, more warmth and admiration will help you see your child in a more positive light. When that happens, you’ll be better able to deal with your child’s difficult behaviours and decisions with more ease, intention, and grace.
So, how does one go about doing this? It’s done with purpose.
It’s as basic as praising and thanking your youngster to cultivate attachment and admiration. Daily or weekly acknowledgments are a simple practise to follow. My family refers to them as “shoutouts.” It might be part of a family gathering or a stand-alone connecting rite. Begin by having each family member go around the table and express gratitude or acknowledgement for everyone present. You may need to teach your child what kinds of things they can acknowledge and how to use some of the terminology at first. For small children, simply ask them to fill in the blanks by saying, “Thank you, ______, for______.” It’s a good idea to go first in these conversations so you can demonstrate how to thank everyone.
Praise is not the same as acknowledgment and encouragement. Without providing a value assessment, an acknowledgement describes a constructive activity or expresses gratitude for something done. Words like outstanding, good, or fantastic are added to praise.
Your appreciation may sound like:
I noticed that you…
I appreciated it when you…
I appreciate that you are… when…
When you… I felt…
You crushed it this week when you…
Thank you for…
Congratulations for…
Also, don’t wait for your daily or weekly conversation to come up. Make it a point to model this behaviour for your children and anybody else you come into contact with throughout the day. Your children are observing you and will pick up on these skills and feelings if you demonstrate them consistently. Emotions may spread like a virus. So, if you go to the grocery store and you can see the clerk has had a long, hard day, don’t be shy. Show your gratitude! Your children will take notice.
Making time for daily or weekly acknowledgements might be straightforward, but maintaining them regularly can be difficult. You will develop liking and appreciation for your child, create a deeper connection with your child, and respond to unpleasant behaviours with greater calm and intention if you make this a new habit. So, what do you have to lose? Today is the day to start a conversation and deliver shoutouts!
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