Dating with Anxiety and Depression!
It’s difficult to date! When you add in a pandemic plus fear, it’s easy to see how that could be crippling. It may lead to some people giving up and refusing to even try dating again. It is, however, well worth it if you are looking for a relationship! I
Indecision and Online Dating
In online dating, there can be an excess of options. Sheena Iyengar, a Columbia professor, discovered that having too many options might lead to uncertainty and paralysis in decision-making. Jam samples from a supermarket shop were used in her experiment. People were ten times more likely to buy jam from a smaller sample number of six types than from a larger sample number of 24 types.
In online dating, the same hesitation and paralysis might occur. You can avoid this by using only one or two dating apps or websites. Set a timer to help you keep track of how much time you spend. One method is to spend thirty minutes to an hour per day scanning, swiping, and responding to messages. Use a service that provides you with more information about your possible date rather than less.
Some applications, such as Hinge, provide very little “additional” information about a potential date, which can be difficult if you have anxiety. In most cases, more information is better when it comes to overcoming anxiety.
Meet in Person
Spend no more than a week or two communicating online before meeting to see whether you have chemistry. Long online discussions should be avoided, according to Helen Fisher, a famous anthropologist and Match.com expert. Because “the brain is the best algorithm,” meeting face-to-face is the only way to determine if you have a future with someone. Laurie Davis, author of Love at First Click, suggests sending no more than six messages before meeting, as this will provide you with enough information to determine whether or not they are someone you want to date. For safety concerns, meeting in a public place is always the best option.
People still meet at work, through friends and neighbours, and at school, but regardless of how you meet a possible mate, you must go on dates! When meeting up with someone, you can choose a location that is comfortable for you, such as your favourite coffee shop or a beloved walk in the park. This can give you a sense of having a home-field advantage.
Be Interested Instead of Interesting
Instead of striving to appear intriguing, remind yourself to be interested in your date. If you’re nervous or anxious about going on a date, the concept of being interested in the other person rather than attempting to be intriguing is critical. Consider how satisfying it is when a friend or date asks you probing questions about yourself and your life. Isn’t it satisfying?
Try it out on your next date and be prepared to be blown away by the great outcome. This will reduce your anxieties because you won’t have to stress about attempting to appear cool or fascinating. I recommend reading through the open-ended questions and date questions card decks on the Gottman Card Decks app. There are some interesting and engaging questions in there that will make you feel prepared to be curious by providing you with some fascinating inquiries.
All in This (Anxiety) Together
Also, keep in mind that your date might be nervous as well. This is a common occurrence, so don’t feel alone. When you’re planning a date or actually going on one, use whatever coping skills you have. Remember to take deep breaths, repeat positive mantras to yourself, and carry a comfort object with you, such as a favourite piece of clothing.
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