What does Respect look like to a man?
Everybody knows men crave respect in an intimate relationship with a woman.
But it’s not always automatic for women to give it. Lately I’ve been investigating the idea that respecting a man is not 100% always a woman’s conscious choice in a relationship.
Here’s why: I feel deep respect for my husband, and it’s not logical. I don’t tell myself to respect him. He earned it by not being willing to be a passive man.
I FEEL respect. It’s in my gut, it’s in my heart, and it exists as a part of my body. It is a part of me, almost like the lifeblood that runs through my body.
However, I have also chosen to GIVE respect to him even when I was scared.
He started out being a man who is worthy of respect. But like any human being, he is not perfect. So in these imperfect moments, the question remains: does he lose my respect?
What Does It Mean To Respect A Man?
Respect is defined as: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
In other words, respect is earned.
But here’s the difficult part, especially when it comes to knowing how to respect a man in a relationship: to gain those achievements and abilities, he HAS to make mistakes. He HAS to have many moments of imperfection.
No man turns his life into a masterpiece by literally being perfect every second of every day. That just wouldn’t make sense.
Mistakes are necessary for him to adjust, and to grow bigger and stronger.
Men Who Command A Woman’s Respect Automatically
I believe there are some men in the world, a smaller population of men, who command respect from a High Value woman automatically.
For example: we walk past them in the street and it’s just the way he carries himself that commands your respect.
He commands respect without saying a word, because of his energy. Or his “vibe”, if you will.
His energy tells you that his entire life is oriented towards his own unique direction, as every true alpha male has.
The fact that he is true to his mission 100% and knows his place in the world – of course you can’t help but respect a man like him.
A woman who holds herself as low value might just chase after him and try to sleep with him and hope he will marry her.
Yet a high value woman will silently acknowledge him under her breath and give him respect.
A lot of men don’t deserve your respect; they talk a lot and do little, like many women do anyway.
Respect In A Relationship With A Man
But when it comes to a relationship with a man, here’s what I suggest. You may not respect him fully yet. But give him the benefit of the doubt for one month.
You have to give yourself the chance to feel respect for him and give him a chance to be the man.
Unless of course, he is completely useless as a man in a relationship. Some men just like to walk through life getting easy sex and not caring about anyone but their mom. If they even care about their mom.
They like to just keep you around, but they have no idea that human beings have feelings; and they don’t care.
These are the men who may be traumatised and therefore unable to attune themselves to you at all. This lack of ability to attune is a big red flag.
These men are probably not worth your time.
You Don’t Have To Respect Men Outside Of Your Relationship
…(If they aren’t worthy of it).
But when it comes to dating and having a relationship with a man, respecting a man matters if you want a healthy relationship.
Here’s why I suggest giving the man you’ve chosen to date the benefit of the doubt:
If you don’t start off respecting a man in any way at all, then he can’t trust you, and the foundation of your emotional connection falls to pieces.
It’s natural for a feminine woman to look up to and admire a masculine man, for all the things that she cannot do to the same level that he can.
(Yes, men are just better at some things naturally. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that. Just like you wouldn’t sit around saying that men can breastfeed a baby just as well as women can.)
So if you cannot offer up any kind of admiration to a man at all, then it’s likely that he can’t be the man you want him to be in the relationship, because you don’t even believe in him.
And if you don’t believe in him, then he won’t trust you or commit to you fully. He’s going to doubt your fidelity, your loyalty and he may also feel afraid in the relationship.
Men Know That Women Seek High Status Men
The majority of women in this world prefer to marry up. They wish to raise their social status, to be more financially stable, to be with a man who is more intelligent than her and makes more money than her. It’s instinctive.
It doesn’t mean you can’t marry a man who makes less money than you do – provided you respect him and are really attracted to him, it doesn’t matter.
But biologically, women are driven to seek men of status; and to seek men of higher status than they are.
(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say!
Here’s why that matters in relation to respect: men know intuitively that women prefer to seek men of high status. Which means that if you are criticizing him, if you are pointing out everything you think is a flaw, he will feel he cannot trust you.
He may assume that your respect will go to every other male around you who seems more successful than him.
So you have to establish some kind of understanding within him that you are willing to come some of the way, and to be patient with him. If you don’t, then this lack of courage on your part will just push him away.
If you CAN’T let him take you places (emotionally and physically) if you can’t let him make decisions, he will automatically feel emasculated, and he won’t commit fully to you.
He might be casual with you, but he won’t commit fully to you.
There’s no reason for him to do so, as he doesn’t get one of the most crucial things he wants from a woman; the feeling of respect.
If you don’t offer respect to a man – your eyes show it, your body language shows it, the words that come out of your mouth show it. So he feels it.
Be Honest With Yourself About The Type Of Man You REALLY Want
Although I am almost certain that respecting a man isn’t always your conscious choice (your body may just be turned off him), I do believe that unless he’s repeatedly destroying your trust in him and doing horrible things, it’s worth a try to offer up some basic respect.
When you do this; many men will step up to the plate and BE that strong, powerful man for you – the man who earns your respect, because your trust and vulnerability is inspiring. It fuels him to fulfil his masculine direction in life.
In any long term relationship, you can’t just call him weak, criticise or emasculate him and expect him to be the man you want him to be.
That’s just asking for trouble in a relationship. This is why it’s crucial for you to NOT just go for any man who seems willing and available to HAVE a relationship with you.
Not only are you hurting yourself, you’re hurting him, because you never did respect or trust him in the first place!
So, choose wisely. Don’t accept any man who seems to give you attention. Be discerning.
If you want an Alpha Male, if you WANT a High Status man, don’t pretend that you don’t. Be honest with yourself; be authentic. Don’t cheap out and go for a man you’re not really attracted to because you feel desperate for a relationship.
I have done this before, and I was essentially a complete fraud. I was to scared to go for a higher value man. In fact when I first started dating my husband, I almost pushed him away for good.
Because his strong masculine direction, integrity and healthy approach to relationships felt intimidating to me.
You may wonder why. Why would I risk losing such a great man?
Because he revealed me. He revealed all my bullshit, and I really didn’t know how to deal with that.
Thank goodness I found a way to overcome that, as I’ve never had to feel like I chose a man who I cannot respect or trust due to fear.
Here’s Where You Can Start With Men. How To Give A Man Respect:
9 times out of 10, in the relationships I observe today, it’s the woman who wears the pants. And the man remains passive. In reality, he’s scared as hell. His testicles are in her jar, up in her secret little hiding cupboard.
Unless you are a naturally masculine woman, this isn’t your natural place. It’s not your place to emasculate a man and not trust him to do anything, or make any big decisions, or feel the need to point out what the should do and where he went wrong.
So try not wearing the pants for one month with the men you meet.
Don’t be passive either, because that adds no value to your relationship. I know that most women who hear this will go and be passive instead; and start operating from another extreme.
Don’t sit there waiting for a man to do everything. You can give a suggestion, but trust him enough to let him make his own decisions for you both about where to go.
And YES – let him make every mistake under the sun in his life without telling him what to do. You can show him how you feel – because your feelings are there to help him adjust.
When you show him how his actions make you feel – he may respect you more and appreciate your vulnerability.
If he’s serious about you, then he will respond to your feelings quickly and adjust accordingly.
But don’t boss him around and tell him what to do just because you are afraid to let go of control. Instead, say you’re afraid to let go of control!
(I know this may feel hard. I know you may not want to do it.)
The reason you don’t want to do this is the reason you have to do it – because it scares you.
That’s what it means to be with a man! This is what it means to get closer to him and to allow him the space to be a man for you. It’s not always a walk in the park, and that’s a good thing.
Showing a man respect lies in allowing him the opportunity to be a man for you, and to make his own mistakes.
He will want to do better for you when he sees that you will not cut him down, get revenge on him or punish him for making mistakes – even when they are stupid to you, and even when you think you wouldn’t have made that mistake!
(Remember men aren’t like women. So at times, the things he does are going to seem a little…stupid to you. Remember that saying boys are from the stupid factory? Well, yes the things he does may seem that way, but this happens so that HE can learn. He needs to learn for himself, without your condemnation.)
And if you feel you are too scared to do this; try anyway. You can always leave the relationship if you want. You won’t die from trying to offer value and respect!
So with all this ‘talk’ about respect, respect, respect, you might be wondering how to show a man respect and admiration? I’ll give you some suggestions on how to respect a man as a woman.
The ONE Foundational Principle On How To Respect A Man:
The foundational principle on showing feminine respect to a man is to appreciate and respect how he experiences masculine energy.
What does this mean?
It means that even if he isn’t doing the masculine things you wish he did, that you show appreciation for how he experiences his masculinity.
He may not be a footballer, but he may be a very good gamer.
He may not make a whole lot of money, but he’s very good at solving problems around the house.
It’s about honouring masculine energy over your own rules as a woman for how you think he should be.
See, I used to hate my husband playing games. I thought it was “childish”. Over time, I began to realise that actually, men playing video games helps them get better at solving problems, and the act of solving problems in a game actually allows them to experience their masculine energy.
Now that I have 3 sons, though I still resist them playing games for too long, I can appreciate that it’s what boys do in order to express their masculine energy.
So I try to appreciate it as best I can. It is one way in which I’m able to show respect – because hey, I am pretty bad at solving video game problems myself, so I guess I can appreciate their ability to do it (and maybe teach me in the process).
Here Are 6 Keys To Respecting A Masculine Man
(Choose from these options based on whether you’re just in the beginning stages of dating a man for 1-5 months, or whether you’re in a long term relationship and trust is already established to some extent.)
- Respecting a man means to not wear the pants.Sometimes you might want to wear the pants, but most of the time, if you choose to wear the pants, then he’s not going to feel respected.
So give him the room to rise up as a man.
- Give him the gift of your joy and not withholding your joy out of fear or being manipulative.Why? Because when he does something funny or something good, your positive responsiveness fuels more this behaviour from him. He feels respected for his efforts.
- Respect the fact that he has an ego, and this ego needs to feel good.You have the choice to laugh at that and say to this: ‘what a joke’ – that’s up to you. But it all depends on how much you genuinely want true love, and not just a significance trip for yourself. People can feel the difference between these two, by the way.
- When he makes a mistake, don’t say: “I told you so.” or “Remember when I told you NOT to do that?!”Because that just creates more disconnects in your relationship. Instead, respond by feeling. Or respond by finding something more compassionate to say. He’s a human being too.
- Smile and enjoy the fun when he drives in the wrong direction.Oh. No? Do you prefer to roll your eyes, cross your arms or shake your head and tell him where to go? If you do, them I ask you; do you want a loving and passionate relationship, or do you want a fight?
- Want the BEST for him and your relationship by actually wanting him to trust his own direction and his own word first.See, a masculine man needs to trust his own direction the most. NOT yours.
Because it is the masculine soul in the relationship that needs to offer the direction. Feminine energy has no direction. If it does, the only direction it offers is inevitable changing feelings.
These feelings are the exact thing that helps men have better direction and make better choices in a relationship.
The best thing you could do is to let him have his own sense of direction. When the masculine isn’t castrated by a controlling woman, the relationship can then have passion.
After all, the value of a strong masculine direction is there so that the feminine can feel her emotions, experience a sense of safety and protection, and therefore have the freedom to be responsive to her children.
A man can’t feel safe to trust your direction until he is man enough to trust his own and follow his own path.
ONE Thing That Kills Your Ability To Show Respect
There’s one thing that really kills your ability to show respect and admiration to a man, and that’s having to be “right”.
When you’re always having to be “right” and wanting to be admired for being the “expert”, then you don’t leave him space to be masculine.
This ruins the polarity in a relationship as well.
There’s a long time married couple who are friends of mine and my husband’s. His wife was extremely controlling and would say condescending things, and it was clear she never wanted the best for him; but just to keep him close.
My hubby and I would talk to her husband about a new business idea of his around our dinner table, and we would give him ideas and suggestions. He would ponder them and during that time his wife would keep yelling out objections to his thoughts and ideas.
To our surprise, when she did this her husband once said “actually, I think I’ll follow David and Renee’s reasoning.”
And she would blurt out:
“What?! NO! Listen to your WIFE!”
What You Should Do Next…
If you’re just dating a man and he is not committed yet; you can try to give unconditional respect for one month. Genuine, real respect. Don’t wear the pants.
If after a month and you’ve done this genuinely, and you are not more attracted to him, and you’re not ‘feeling’ it, then leave.
And if you’re reading this and you’re in a long term relationship or marriage, you do it for 90 days. Yes, 3 whole months!
Thanks for reading. I’m wondering; do you agree that to respect a man, you have to FEEL it in your gut?
Do you believe that respecting a man is not your choice? Let me know below!