It’s easy for a woman to become trapped in a relationship with a commitment phobic man! Even if you’re a high-value individual, you can make the mistake of becoming engaged with someone like them.
When it comes to guys, I sincerely believe in patience and understanding, because men are so different from us that we sometimes misread their ideas and intentions. As a result, it would be foolish not to strive to comprehend them.
However, sometimes no amount of patience or understanding will persuade a man to become the man you desire. That’s OK.
But, before I go any further, I’d want to recommend that you don’t hold him or yourself responsible.
Even if a man exhibits all of these indicators, which does occur occasionally, this does not imply you should blame him or yourself.
In fact, if a man exhibits all ten of these characteristics, it may be wise to feel your anger and hurt first before blaming others.
Commitment-Phobic Is JUST A Word…
When it comes to the term “commitment phobic,” we must keep in mind that it is just that: a term.
It’s not the best term – I don’t use it in my work – but I’m using it here because I know it’s a term that resonates with women and makes sense to them.
There are many different lenses through which to view your relationship with a commitment phobic boyfriend that may be more helpful, but let’s use the label commitment phobic today for the purpose of clarity.
Commitment Resistance Versus Commitment Phobia
Here’s the thing you need to understand:
Commitment resistance is different to commitment phobia.
Commitment resistance, unlike commitment phobia, is not a long-term issue. I’d want to switch the terms “commitment phobia” and “investment phobia.”
This is because commitment phobia is characterised by an inability to invest emotionally in another person. When a man is actually unwilling to invest in not only you, but in people in general, he could be considered emotionally unavailable.
And if a person has commitment or investment phobia, it could be an indication of emotional harm or trauma, or it could be a sign of deep-seated patterns of anxiety when it comes to interacting to and being close to another human being.
Commitment reluctance, on the other hand, is something that almost every man will show at some point during the relationship, regardless of whether you are his one and only woman or one of many.
What I’d want to argue is that when it comes to commitment phobia, we often describe men’s conduct as commitment phobic even when they aren’t. They are simply displaying indicators of commitment aversion, which every male does at some point.
Even if you are a man’s one and only woman and not just one among many, he will most likely fight your commitment at some time. And that doesn’t always imply that he is afraid of commitment.
Keep in mind that your boyfriend has a different reproductive agenda than you.
It’s important to remember that men and women have opposing agendas. Both sexes have agendas, but they are not the same.
More importantly, both men and women are afraid of being in a committed relationship.
Some of these concerns are universal fears that we all share. Men, on the other hand, frequently have VERY different worries about entering a committed relationship than women.
For example, as a woman, would you ever fear that the kid you’re carrying inside you isn’t your own if you became pregnant?
No, no, no Because you were the one who gave birth to that child.
Men, on the other hand, have an intrinsic fear that a newborn is not their own, which has been ingrained in them from the dawn of time. And it’s this unpredictability that motivates a lot of their mating and related behaviours.
So, how do we tell if a man is commitment phobic or just hesitant to commitment?
That’s a good question.
Some of the ten signs I’m going to offer you could simply be signs of commitment resistance, in which case there’s no need to be concerned, because it’s common for women and men to have distinct commitment timeframes.
I’ve compiled a list of ten symptoms that are most likely to indicate a genuine commitment phobia. However, keep in mind that even if your man exhibits some of these indicators, he may not be commitment phobic, but rather displaying transient commitment aversion.
Examine whether he is willing to invest emotionally in you.
So, and this is the most essential part of all of this, I want you to look for whether or not this man is willing to invest emotionally in you.
I mean, is he really interested in you?
Commitment reluctance can exist in a man who is madly in love with you (and will still commit to you if sex is removed from the equation).
And this could be due to his perception of his own success levels, his stage of life, his lifestyle, and other factors.
Some people do not believe in love that is “one and only.” In fact, they don’t even want to give it a chance. It’s really too dangerous. To believe it, they’d have to be quite susceptible. And far too many other women would dismiss them as a “princess” or “idealist.”
Many women, on the other hand, are aware that this love is genuine since they share it with their partner on a daily basis.
So, when it comes to spotting indicators of commitment phobia in your partner, look for signs that he is eager to engage emotionally in you and the relationship.
Because if he’s invested in you, it’s likely that he likes you a lot.
Here Are The Questions I Want You To Ask Yourself To Assist You…
Here are some questions to ask to determine whether he is willing to invest emotionally in you…
Is he interested in your happiness?
Is he concerned about the people and animals that you are concerned about?
Is it important to him what makes you laugh and cry?
Is he concerned about your well-being?
Is he willing to put up emotional, physical, and mental effort to ensure your happiness in the relationship?
Is he putting forth emotional, physical, and mental effort to ensure that the partnership will withstand any trials and tribulations?
Is he afraid of emotionally investing in people in general?
Is he suffering from “shiny object syndrome”? (In other words, he enjoys meeting new people but gets tired of them quickly and wants to move on to the next person?)
Is he a taker more than a giver? Takers are masters at not putting money into people. Taking from others requires little effort. Investing emotionally in someone necessitates vulnerability, emotional risk, and caring.
Here are the 10 Signs – How to find your man is commitment-phobic ?
1: He’s tired of you, and he’s tired of having sex with you.
…Even if you’re in a ‘formal’ relationship, soon after you start dating.
I understand that both men and women grow tired of having sex with their partners. The ‘Coolidge effect’ is a word for getting sick of having sex with the same person over and over again.
Regardless of our biology, when you care for someone and love them, you want to connect with them.
And it’s this need to be near to them and emotionally connect with them that fuels your urge to have sex with them over and over again (not just sexual desire or lust or horniness).
Shiny object syndrome causes men (and women) to treat their partners as a commodity.
In fact, they have no idea how to connect with their partner’s spirit and heart.
They are typically inattentive, lack social awareness, and appear to be in need of something from the world. They are also insensitive. This could be an indication of shiny object syndrome; be on the lookout for this, as it’s one of the behaviours you should never allow in a relationship.
2: On social media, he never shows signs that you two are dating.
…Despite the fact that he’s rather active on social media.
This could be an indication of transitory commitment aversion, so don’t jump to the conclusion that he is commitment or investment phobic right away.
It could be an indication he isn’t invested in you if he is moderately active on social media but doesn’t seem to show signs of making it official with you on there or allowing you into his world on Facebook, etc.
Does he mind, for example, being photographed with you?
Facebook, Instagram, and other forms of social media can be used to determine whether or not a man is interested in you and proud to have you in his life.
Because if he’s proud to have you in his life, he won’t mind you showing up in his news feed, tagging him in photos, or commenting on his status updates.
Because social media is such a public space, if he has other women or if you are low on his priority list, he may avoid adding you on Facebook and Instagram because it will be easy for you to bring up concerns and cause him discomfort.
Warning: Some men (perhaps womanisers) may be eager to add you to social media since more ladies commenting and loving his updates suggests he has a greater social position and regard.
It all relies on the individual and his vision of the world.
So it’s up to you to figure out whether he uses social media to make himself appear good in front of women, or whether he genuinely uses it to hide the fact that he’s dating you.
3: He’s in his late 30s (worse, his 40s) and has never married.
…or been in a long-term committed relationship.
A man has plenty of time to discover and marry the proper woman. Unless a man is really bashful or has recently lost a long-term girlfriend, the best men can be rapidly snatched up.
Although there are always exceptions, in general, valuable boys and men are rapidly snatched up by women, and vice versa.
People that place a high importance on relationships and on themselves in general tend to find each other. So you have to wonder whether this is a man who doesn’t invest in people and suffers from “shiny object syndrome”?
Is he afraid of getting too close to other people and being vulnerable?
If that’s the case, he might have real attachment and abandonment issues that need to be addressed before he can be a trustworthy partner for you.
4: He speaks about women in a way that makes your stomach turn.
This will require some patience on your part. Stop talking and start paying attention to what he’s saying and how it makes you feel.
Stop creating excuses for him in your thoughts like “oh well, maybe he’s just…” if the way he talks about women makes you feel like “hold on…what the hell…”
A man who genuinely does not speak well about women may have a history of anger toward women, or may have never felt worthy of women and spent years believing he could not handle them.
That suggests there’s a big likelihood he doesn’t think he’ll be able to handle you.
Some guys are simply bitter and resentful toward women, viewing them as a source of misery because they have been repeatedly rejected by women or have been burned by women.
Check to see if he says something along the lines of:
“WOMEN! You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them!”
“All women are sluts” (as some groups of men online say)
Is he serious when he says those things? Because men joke about these things from time to time, and you need to know the difference.
Some men who say things like these end up marrying simply because they don’t have any other choice or option.
Not because they have actually fallen in love with a woman. Keep in mind that marriage does not have to be an indication of deep emotional commitment.
5: He rarely inquires about your life or your well-being.
And if he does, it comes off as more of a pleasantry to you (something he remarks just to say it)…and he doesn’t appear to pay attention to your responses.
6: Even when you tell him it’s your birthday, he doesn’t seem to notice.
I recall a friend of mine telling me about a guy she felt deep down in her heart would never commit to her. (He was only keeping her around, like many men do with women.)
Even though she told him her birthday was approaching, he ignored it. The day passed with no sign of him.
He didn’t utter a single word. Despite this, she continued to tell me….
“But…but he told me I’m his GIRL!!”
The question is, if someone says to you, “Oh my dear, I always put you first, before anybody else,” but in reality, they clearly put you last… Do you think what he said was true?
Is it true that you should never trust a man’s words?
Or would you believe the facts as they are?
Your birthday is a significant event for most guys who are willing to commit or will commit in the future.
He might not spoil you in the beginning, but he’d at least try to call you – not just to wish you a happy birthday, but to inquire about your real birthday.
Examine whether he has the financial means to invest in you once more. It doesn’t require much emotional commitment on his part to text you a ‘happy birthday!’
“How was your birthday?” however, is a question I’d like to ask you. is a step up from that, and it’s a little more likely to indicate emotional involvement.
7: The storey someone tells with his tongue is almost always more intriguing than the storey he tells with his actions.
Don’t act stupid because you aren’t.
So don’t be fooled by a man’s words. Women, I understand, make this mistake at least once in their lives — they all fall for a man’s remarks at some point, and it’s because they’re created to do so.
Nature didn’t create us all smart; it made us more eager to have sex with the man who captured our attention with sweet speech.
Women are easily seduced by words. I still do it again and then, and I have to remind myself to detach myself from a person’s words and look at his behaviour instead, and to be conscious of red signals when dating a man.
Yes, try to develop the ability to separate yourself from words and study a man’s deeds, because any man with a brain knows how to sweet talk a woman with his words.
It’s an evolutionary strategy — he’s doing it to pass on his genes and help the human species survive.
Take care of yourself. And spend more time with the appropriate man for you!
Do this so that the proper man can kiss you on the head every morning while wearing a silly smile on his macho face.
8: He frequently reacts defensively to your questions or deflects them with abuse.
Defensiveness and verbal abuse are two of the most difficult things for a woman to cope with in a relationship, and they’re the last two things I want YOU to deal with.
In an ideal world, a man would be strong and focused, taking full responsibility for himself and thinking things through rather than being sarcastic or rude.
If he doesn’t value committing to you or the relationship, he’ll naturally avoid accepting any responsibility for it and use abuse to deflect your legitimate concerns.
You and I both know that some men were not well-raised or had a traumatic childhood.
As a result, their ways of interacting (or not relating) are deeply ingrained, and changing him, if that’s even possible given the environment he lives in, will take a lot of effort.
A long-term display of a lack of responsibility is a clear indication that a man isn’t interested in you.
One thing to keep in mind:
If you were abused as a child, you can mistake this for love.
You may not have experienced true love. Because that’s the only way you can tell if someone loves you based on how they treated you.
It’s a terrible thing to get caught in a poisonous relationship and then realise 30 years later that you only ended up with an abusive man because of your own childhood — what a waste of time.
9: He places a lot of blame on you.
Some guys simply blame women for their life’s misfortunes.
Often, males set out to do something essential to them in their manly world, and then (in their opinion), a woman comes along and ruins everything.
Either she sabotages his plans or she interferes with his goal-setting.
This is very normal. Men are sometimes drawn into partnerships by feminine women who draw them out of their goal or their boring, dead male world. Because relationships are the domain of the feminine, this is a woman’s task.
But, guess what? Because he is invested in the connection with you – he appreciates you – a man who truly loves you will not be troubled by this for long.
You have a problem if a man’s persistent reaction to relationship troubles is to blame you or continuously point out where you went wrong.
This man may just refuse to accept any responsibility in a relationship. That is, he is more concerned with defending himself than with the partnership.
(It does happen!) It’s regrettable, but it happens).
10: He does not speak good about other married couples.
If a man criticises other men who are married or caring for children, it’s a good indication that he doesn’t value a long-term relationship with a woman.
It’s also a positive sign that he’s turned off by the prospect of having a family and would rather remain alone.
For example, if he sees men with babies and says things like these (directly to the man):
“I don’t envy you!”
“I’m glad I’m not you!”.
Then perhaps he won’t be able to commit to a relationship at all.
He might think other men are stupid for getting married. If this is the case, you can be certain that this man strongly identifies with being aloof and un-invested in anything weak or requiring emotional energy.
The ten indicators of a commitment phobic man are now complete…
Please keep in mind that no single sign on this list indicates that a man is a commitment phobe.
Any one or two isolated indicators of temporary commitment resistance, rather than dread of investment in relationship/commitment phobia, could be isolated signs of temporary commitment resistance.
I’m not sure which of the aforementioned ten factors shows that a man is a commitment phobe. Remember to assess whether he is willing to invest emotionally in you.
What To Do Now:
For the time being, I believe you should take two vital steps.
- Listen to your gut instincts. Is it your gut feeling that this man actually cares about you and the relationship?
- Recognize that we do not live in a society that values intimacy, vulnerability, loyalty, or connection. So it’s simple for you to be perplexed by a man’s acts and conclude that if he pays attention to you, he loves you. As a result, you owe it to yourself to understand as much as possible about men, relationships, and commitment. This is something that no one teaches in school, which is why we do what we do.
Thank you for Reading..