1. Do not curse each other.
Calling your lover a swear word shows that you despise them. All of your post-curse apologies won’t be enough to wipe what you said from your partner’s mind — and you can bet your terrible words will be brought up again, exactly as you said them, in another dispute, sooner or later.
2. Don’t threat, make conditions.
Using phrases like “You don’t have the courage to leave!” or “I challenge you to try to live without me!” puts the other person in a position where he or she is forced to determine whether or not to leave you. Conditional threats, such as “If you do or don’t do this, then I will do or not do that…”, are an effective approach to raise doubts in a partner’s mind about the relationship’s future. Threats rarely result in beneficial behavior change, especially if the other person is afraid of hearing them again.
3. Don’t bring up the past to argue
Nothing wounds a partner to the core more than being compared unfavorably to another “better” lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband from the past. It’s painful to hear statements like “I should have stayed with…” or “I should have married…”
4. Don’t blame, especially for trivial things.
When dealing with current issues, saying things like, “You got me a horrible birthday gift three years ago!” is petty and ineffective. Concentrate on the present moment. It’s difficult for your partner to defend himself or herself for something you forgot to bring up months or years ago, and asking them to do so is unjust.
5. Don’t use statements while “You always…” or “You never…” while arguing or fighting
These words are painful since both parties are aware that they are untrue. It’s usually not proper to say things like “You never praise me on what I’m wearing!” or “You never listen to me when I tell you about my work troubles!” As you both know, your partner has done these things, even if they haven’t done them enough. It’s preferable to say, “When you complement me, it helps me feel better,” or “Can I get your complete attention when I talk about what’s upsetting me at work?”
6. Don’t fight in the bedroom.
This is a simple yet critical adjustment. Sleeping, munching, reading, watching TV, and having sex should all take place in your bedroom. That is all there is to it. It must continue to be a true haven of peace. Fighting in the bedroom turns it into a site of strife and attracts a negative vibe that is difficult to remove.
7. Don’t let unresolved concerns keep you awake at night.
It’s nearly impossible to sleep next to someone who makes you angry. Solve your problems for as long as it takes, and sign a peace treaty that will last at least until the next day.
8. Don’t remain silent to each other for days
Certain people are capable of silently abusing a partner for weeks. This simply adds to the anxiety, making everyday life unpleasant. Passing each other in the corridor and saying nothing for days is depressing, tiresome, and almost always results in additional arguments. (Related behaviors, such as slamming doors or stomping around, are also childish.)
9. Don’t shout in front of your kids
Young children and/or dogs are terrified by the sounds you make when you shout at each other. Disruptions in their habits might frighten these delicate creatures, especially if they don’t understand why they’re happening.
10. Don’t tell mean things to each other.
When disputes go out of hand, it’s normal for angry spouses to try to hurt each other. Picking on something the other person can’t control (baldness, waning attractiveness), has tried to control (weight, fitness level), or is sensitive about (particular body parts, sexual performance) is one way. These examples, like the use of curse words, will be stored away and revisited at a later date.
